Becoming Delahni

Deterioration and decay The ashes lay scattered in your eyes Decomposition and degeneration  There is agony in your cries Cover and cloak Quickly rebuild your facade Cracked and crooked Hide away what makes you feel like a fraud Lies spilling from your lips Stuff me up with your deceit The language of the human soul in pain Thinking wearing a mask in life means defeat Why do you cry in the dark of your room? Why do you turn your head down to the floor? Why are you so trapped in this idea of doom? Why do you tuck away everything in your core? The words we talk, the things we say A dialect of deflecting pain The vocabulary of pretending we are okay When will it go away? The language of our world today Words describing feelings we can not describe Whispers of softness that only the moon hears Sentences that we use to hide what is inside If only you found your voice If only you could scream If only you had a choice Instead of pretending life is a dream

At first it was raw, pinkish red flesh jaggedly torn  Blood and pain and the feeling of finally breathing And I cried for the promises I break Sadness so consuming and anger turns into seething  Skin mends with skin as the clock ticks on Layers over layers to hide how I see myself, hate myself Nothing left to show you I know what darkness is So let me shove it in a jar and leave it on a shelf White lines only I know exist haunt me and you ask why So many lines on my body, seering red ones on my soul My building blocks are not the same as yours Pick apart my personality and crush the ugly bits in a bowl My tears are shimmering and scorching on my cheeks I poison myself to kill the self that wants to kill me Strangers eyes behold me as a spectacle, scandalous  You would never understand how hard it is to

Blissfully baking in the burning sun Intoxicated by the heat scorching my skin Lies blind me, leaving me sweltering Everything is fine- but where do I begin? Adorned by darkness and heartache Sorrow makes the best melancholy crown Dose up my dopamine, leave me in a daze This internal verbatim and I might drown Princess of chaos; Psychward for a castle Lines between pleasure and pain fade Manic laughter and suddenly I am insane Prick my veins and clean the mess I've made

Flowers blur past, their colours fading to green I collect a rainbow as we fly through the streets Fluffy clouds glow in the blue skies like a dream The air in my face makes me feel like I can breathe Thunder illuminates the darkness around us Rain droplets gather on the car window against my head I am wearing your jacket and it smells like dust Music beats vibrate through the seat into my body Driving through the day, driving through the night driving for a few blocks or going the entire way Zooming across the road makes me feel light With your playlist playing, I almost feel alive

A green little frog with a yellow belly I carry around the gift you gave me It's name closely related to a memory of how you stole me a green frog with a yellow belly A white rock shoved into my hand shaped like a heart, taken from another land something you found by the see, on the sand a little rock that you shyly shove in my hand A handwritten note is left inside my room Doodles on a card saying get well soon A pressed flower that was in bloom little things I love, like a picture of the moon These small little things so meaningless they appear but to me it's a language of love and you are saying stay near

Smoke slithers through the sky I can hear a woman scream; a child cry Fire filters through the air I look around but there is nothing there Rubble and debris once looked like home But there is nothing left of what I have known Blood colors my tears a watery red How am I lucky if so many are dead We live in a world with military machines Nukes and bombs ready to be released  We live in a world that devalues life To your head a gun, to your throat a knife Burning the world in the name of justice Forgetting the innocent that just want to exist Raging war in the name of politics and money While countries die out starving